# Funny New Year Resolutions

URL: https://buzzle.com/home-lifestyle/funny-new-year-resolutions
Category: Home & Lifestyle
Published: 2005-01-06T14:28:22
Updated: 2026-07-28T06:47:12
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New Year’s Resolutions endorse an old belief of mine - that the world is really a funnier place than we think.

I’m always curious about other people’s New Year’s Resolutions. It’s always interesting to know the way other minds work, and often enough it also endorses an old belief of mine - that the world is really a funnier place than we think.

Here are some resolutions, in no particular order, that I came across and found, well, interesting :

## Funny New Year Resolutions From All Walks of Life

1.  I will not look at boys - 13 year old girl
    
2.  I will not tell the same story at every get together- Incorrigible bore
    
3.  I will eat ice-cream at midnight - every midnight of the year, I mean, not just this one - Ice-cream Connoisseur
    
4.  I will not let the dog hog the pillow, growl at me from the sofa, and snatch the bun from my plate - this year she’s going to learn that I’m the Alpha of the house and only I get to do certain things - Owner of untrained dog.
    
5.  I won’t worry so much - Fuss Budget
    
6.  I need to start worrying a little - The Merry Spirit
    
7.  I will cut my hair - Longhaired person
    
8.  I will grow my hair - Shorthaired person
    
9.  I will shave my head - Hairy person
    
10.  I will polish my pate - Bald person
     
11.  So many men, so little time - will make more time - Young Woman
     
12.  This year I’m going to be kind - Unkind Person
     
13.  This year I’m going to stop being so nice - Person who overdid it.
     
14.  I will quack like a duck first thing in the morning and last thing at night - Donald Duck Fan
     
15.  I will do less laundry and use more deodorant - Lazy and Smart Fellow
     
16.  I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I’ll TELL him he stinks! - Diffident classmate of Lazy and Smart Fellow
     
17.  I’m going to learn cusswords in different languages - Expert Cusser in Own Language.
     
18.  I don’t need no STINKING resolutions! - Resolute Stinker
     
19.  If I see a UFO I won’t tell anybody about it - Spoilsport
     
20.  I will remember that Muffin Day is on the 29th of every month - Muffin Lover
     
21.  I will not tell lies - 10 year old liar.
     
22.  I will be more imaginative - 30 year old ‘Creative Person’
     
23.  I will rename my dog something really strange and long - Exotically Inclined Person
     
24.  I resolve to be nice to people without bringing Jesus into the equation - Secular Person
     
25.  With that cloned cow having given birth and everything, I resolve to pay more attention to where my food comes from this next year - Organic Eater
     

26.I hope to be able to make people think happy thoughts when they think of me - Goody Good Two Shoes

## More Funny Resolutions, From Pets to Cowboys

27.  I will go on long ego trips - Honest Egoist
     
28.  I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth - Honest Wordsmith
     
29.  I will have noble thoughts - Impure Thinker
     
30.  I will not puff my entire body to twice its size and screech in her ear after my human has finished watching a horror movie. - Pet Cat
     
31.  I will not bite the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.- Pet Dog
     
32.  I’ll help the Green House Effect and stop throwing my rubbish into the school drain - Tween boy
     
33.  I will stop throwing water down from the top floor at our school at the people passing below - Tween boy
     
34.  I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks - Tween boy
     
35.  I will not let lose my bodily functions right when somebody is walking underneath - Crow on the topbranch of the tree
     
36.  I will flit gently into the night - Fruit Bat
     
37.  I will never squat again with my spurs on - Cowboy
     
38.  I will never again smack a man that’s been chewing tobacco - Cowboy
     
39.  ## Resolutions With a Bit of Wisdom
     
     I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. - Experienced Bouncer
     
40.  I will remember it isn’t worthwhile wrestling with pigs - you get all muddy and don’t the pigs just love it! - Experienced Mud Wrestler and Pig Keeper.
     
41.  I will take neither myself nor any of the above seriously - Me